You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize