My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
