I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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