How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
