im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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