So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
