I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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