It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
