I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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