You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
