that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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