the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
