I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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