You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You're completely useless in the revolution.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
