M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
he thought i was a dude.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
