Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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