dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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