dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
don't judge my taste in strippers
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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