When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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