"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
