what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
