Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
