You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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