He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
