just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
