finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
