Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
