No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Walk of Shame today included voting.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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