am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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