if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
