yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
