i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
