Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
