Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
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He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
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The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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