and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
