Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
