shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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