just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
