I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
