I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
