i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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