I just saw a hot homeless man
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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