Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
