ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
