is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
