Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
