I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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