I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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