The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
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I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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