the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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