shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
