why didn't you poke me back
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
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there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
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I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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