I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
