Having a random hookup so left but love u
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
