You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
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