i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
