I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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