As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
