Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
