everyone is single if you try hard enough
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
