someone get that fucking seahorse.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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