There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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