I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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