Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Such a big mess for such a small penis