I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand