Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush