dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.