hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.