Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
