Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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